Some people spend years hunting down a single formula for mastering oral sex that makes them the World Champion of Mouth Stuff every single time.
But when it comes to oral sex, every partner — and, indeed, every time — is different. This makes a one-size-fits-all approach pretty ineffective.
As with anything else related to sexually pleasuring a partner, the very best advice is to communicate with them before (and during!) the act. What excites them? What atmosphere do they prefer? Do they like the lights on?
Clear, fun, and sensual communication around sex sets up the whole experience for your partner before you start.
We asked adult performers and sex experts for some tips that may change how you think about the way you lick (among other activities). Prepare yourselves for some tantalizing tongue times.
“Don’t go stampeding towards the clitoris like a bull at the gates! What’s wrong with a nice kiss?” (Monty Python, “The Meaning of Life“)
Many people experience “responsive desire.” That’s a fancy-pants way of saying that they need to build up to sex before being able (or wanting) to feel horny.
“Do not go for her clitoris right away,” says Touchpoint founder Jared Matthew Weiss.
It’s better to build up to that. “Tease her around her vagina and her inner thighs with light licks and gentle tickles. Then, softly graze her clitoris with the tip of your tongue and pull back,” Weiss says.
If you skip this step, you risk overstimulating her to the point where she won’t be able to orgasm — and could possibly even find the experience painful.
It’s best to build to a crescendo. You might prefer your sex more numerical — in which case, we can show you how to step up your 69 game to at least 70.
Many folks don’t enjoy vocalizing their desires or feel uncomfortable saying when something feels good in the bedroom.
If you’re not used to being sexual with language or if it seems out of character for you, pillow talk can feel like a strange departure. But communication is at the heart of working out what your partner wants.
So how do you get around it? Weiss suggests finding another language in which your partner can express that you are getting it so right.
“Give your partner a way to signal that she wants more of something by telling her to tug on your hair when it feels good,” Weiss says.
Naturally, wetness will ensue. Find out how to clean up afterward.
Many women feel self-doubt and insecurity when it comes to their vagina’s smell and scent. But let’s be real: If you didn’t enjoy both, you wouldn’t be down there.
Making your partner feel at ease about both of these sensations can help her relax into the sexual experience.
“Explicitly saying that you love and appreciate those things about them can make a big difference in their ability to settle into the experience,” Weiss advises.
Several things can change the smell of a vagina, including certain health problems. We explained what 10 different vaginal odors mean.
There may well be a time for a “Fast and Furious” sequel of your own making. A lot of porn would have us think that speed and pressure are the most direct routes to sexual pleasure. But this is a race won, for the most part, by a slow and steady approach.
“A lot of women like it if you take your time. Make out with her instead of tongue-punching her,” says adult star Daizha Morgann.
“Also be vocal yourself. Imagine the roles are reversed, make noises, and tell her how much you love it.” It’s way more enjoyable for your partner when she knows you’re also having a great time.
If you’re new to vaginas, here’s what they taste like.
Apply gentle pressure to your partner’s pubic bone. This can feel freaking amazing.
You can also incorporate a finger or two and stimulate her G-spot or “clitoral cluster,” which tends to be located at the top of the vagina near the back wall.
But have patience before inserting your fingers into the vagina itself. It’s best to stimulate the clit and vulva until she’s really, really ready.
“Using your fingers isn’t only a mechanism for stimulating your partner and giving pleasure, it’s also a solid way to know if and when she’s going to orgasm,” Weiss says.
“When she’s beginning her climb, the walls of her vagina will become engorged, and you’ll feel her vagina begin to contract and tighten.”
Or, as a 2015 review of studies called it, “rhythmic contractions of the genital musculature” due to orgasm, a turn of phrase we’d recommend excluding from your pillow talk should you wish for an orgasm to remain on the cards.
See! Science is sexy.
Clitoral stimulation is a preferred route to pleasure for many women. However, less can be way more. For instance, try stimulating her through the clitoral hood, rather than diving straight onto the clitoris itself.
You don’t need fancy tricks. Instead, simple motions and a light touch will get it done.
“You’ve heard of doing the ABCs or other tricks, but a simple circular motion will do,” says award-winning adult performer Jillian Janson. “Flicking back and forth happens to be one of my go-to moves, then continuously going back and forth in a sucking pattern.”
Sometimes, going rougher doesn’t make things more intense but has the opposite effect. “The rougher you get, the harder it is to cum, because our bodies react in a way that backs off, and we have to ‘reset,’ which makes it harder to focus,” Janson says.
Make your partner’s vagina wet, and find ways to switch things up. But listen to her body — if she feels like she’s about to orgasm, keep doing what you’re doing. It’s clearly working.
If you’ve ever wondered what an orgasm feels like for people with vulvas, we gave the lowdown on the whole experience.
Learn to pay attention to her twitches, noises, and other signals.
“If she likes what you’re doing, her noises and movements will let you know,” Morgann says.
Being responsive to these signals allows you to switch up your technique and know that you’re giving your partner immense pleasure.
While a penile orgasm tends to be a one-and-done situation (at least for a while), women have the ability to… well, keep going.
A single orgasm doesn’t mean it’s over. “Many women are more in tune with their orgasms these days,” says Ember Snow, an adult performer and cam star. “You can make a girl cum any number of times. You just have to be patient.”
To get there, the experts say, create a feeling of anticipation so your partner doesn’t necessarily know what will happen next. “So slide a finger slowly inside, and maybe pinch the lips tight together and lick the clit up and down,” Janson says.
Om nom nom, indeed. When it comes to your more intimate moments, getting cunning about cunnilingus means you can share sexual pleasure and add electricity to your whole night together.
Before you begin to undress, make sure your partner feels safe, comfortable, and relaxed. If any of those factors are off, it’s likely she won’t enjoy you going down quite as much as she otherwise would.
Learn more about the female orgasm.
Aly Walansky is a New York-based lifestyle writer. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @alywalansky.
