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Admit it: You were totally team humpathon back when you and your high school boo smacked on your ‘rents basement couch. And since then you’ve probably let the dry humping go as unappreciated as Cher’s twitter.
“Many people dry hump when they’re younger, and then stop or only use it in foreplay as they get older because they wrongfully assume it’s a juvenile act,” says sex and relationship expert Jamie LeClaire.
Well it’s not.
Sexologist Eva Fedick gets it on the record that grinding/rubbing/humping your genitals against your partner’s well… anywhere (leg, crotch, knee, boner, etc) isn’t just child’s play. In fact, she says, more than a halfway point between Make Out City and Pound Town, dry humping can be the w-h-o-l-e sex act.
Let’s define sex right here because this is an Opportunity folks. Whatever your genital ownership, gender, or sexuality, anyone can experience oodles of pleasure (and even orgasms) from dry humping.
After you’ve tried our tips, trust, you’ll be chanting Bring Back Dry Humping right alongside these sexperts. And if you’re not… well, maybe you didn’t read their tips closely enough.
Ultimately your dry hump uniform comes down to personal and partner preference. “Looser, thinner clothes can be more easily shifted to reduce the barrier between the genitals and body parts,” says Fedick.
But if you’re into firmer, more intense stimulation, thicker bottoms like jeans can create more friction and heat. You can even use the seams to advantage — grinding against them can provide more pin-pointed pressure and pleasure, Fedick says. Save a horse, ride a Carhartt-clad cutie.
Pro tip: If you’re shimmying down to your skivvies and your partner is still in pants, be careful. Zippers are not your genitals friends.
Listen up: Even if you’re using dry humping as your gateway to penetrative sex, other forms of touch should still come first.
“For dry humping to feel good, you want to make sure you’re both turned on before creating all the genital friction,” says LeClaire. Their suggestion for keeping it over the clothes? Make out, neck kisses, lobe licks, etc.
Cue the Beyonce voice: Okay, folks now let’s get in formation. What’s gonna feel good will be different for every body. So you’ll want to embrace trial and error here, and alter your positions based on what’s mutually pleasurable.
Generally this could mean scissoring, modified scissor, or split-leg missionary. “Because the clitoris is typically located towards the top of the vulva, people with vulvas will enjoy a position that offers broad-contact friction against the upper genital,” says Fedick.
“Dry humping can be great for penises, too,” according to sex educator and gender researcher Ren Grabert M.Ed. “Pressing a leg into these areas, via straddling, can provide well-distributed pressure and pleasure to these areas.”
A soft penis can experience pleasure from the pressure, and if a penis is erect, the sensitive underside (the raphe) and perineum (also known as the taint) are more exposed.
Some folks with penises also enjoy the sensation of thrusting against something, says Fedick who suggests classic positions like missionary and rider-on-top.
“I’m an advocate of using lube for every sexual situation,” says LeClaire. “How you use it for dry humping will depend on how clothed you are.”
You might add a dab against your labia inside your underwear or coat some on your partners thigh if you’re panty-free, they say.
You can also add in vibe. “This can be especially helpful for people who find they need vibration to orgasm,” Grabert says.
They suggest placing a flatter vibrator, like the We-Vibe Wish or Je Joue Mimi, between both of your bodies. Or, opting for a panty vibe, which will stay in place, hands-free.
Dry humping may typically be thought of as a partnered play, but Fedick says it can upgrade your solo sex life.
“You can hump a pillow, edge of the bed, a table leg, sex toy, anything, really…” they say. “Just pay attention to your body and opt for things that are comfortable because a hard object could lead to a sex injury, if you don’t listen to your body’s discomfort or pain signals.”
Basically, don’t get rougher with that bedpost than your junk can handle.
What you thought in high school was true: If you’re dry humping with clothes on, and there’s no P-in-V penetration, pregnancy isn’t possible.
But if there’s skin-on-skin genital contact, STI’s like HPV, HSV, trichomoniasis, syphilis, and HIV can be transmitted, say Grabert.
And, if there’s bodily fluids exchanged, you’re at risk for STI’s exchanged through sexual fluids like HSV, HPV, chlamydia, HIV, gonorrhea, HIV, and trichomoniasis, mentions LeClaire. “Even if your partner is stripped down to their underwear, if pre-cum or vaginal lubricant seep through the fabric, there is still some risk of transmission.”
So, before you have a panty party or no-panty party, have the safe ‘sex’ talk with your boo.
PSA: Consenting to dry humping is N-O-T synonymous with consenting to penetration with a penis, dildo, or finger — or any other sex act for that matter.
LeClaire explains: If you want to remove more layers, transition to a different sex act, or add in penetration, you need to check in with your buddy. You’re only green light is enthusiastic, verbal consent.
Your exact post humpathon clean-up is going to depend on whether you kept *all* your clothes on or not and exactly how wet y’all got.
Semen and vaginal fluids are pretty easy to get out of most clothes (detergent + cold water), so tossing cum-soaked wear into the washing machine, or opting for a quick sink wash, should do the trick.
Sitting in your sticky can increase your risk of yeast or bacterial infections, so if you can swap out of your skivvies, do. And Fedick says it’s never a bad idea to pee post-play — urine can flush out the urethra from any bacteria that may have gotten lodged there.
Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more! In her free time, Gabrielle can be found coaching CrossFit, reviewing pleasure products, hiking with her border collie, or recording episodes of the podcast she co-hosts called Bad In Bed. Follow her on Instagram @Gabriellekassel.
